Michele Obama wrote "Becoming" and Alicia Keys "More Myself". These titles reflect how I have been feeling for a long time: a quest for authenticity.
I often tell people that moving to New York allowed me to emancipate myself from the strong societal pressure and expectations I was feeling in France. Not that France is a bad place to live, but it was not an environment for me to thrive at the time. I did felt silenced and pushed into someone I was not. Of course, it took a long time to even realize that - but looking back there is no doubt in my mind that this was the case. America allowed me to distance myself and procure me a safe space to explore who I was and why.
I am still figuring this out and struggling to "undo" all the programming that has been done to me. I would have to admit that letting go of self-criticism and judgment is the hardest part - as well as forgiving yourself. I did not know better.
It is a daily hustle and a mindf* - mainly because you want to remember how much you have accomplished and overcome without letting trauma pull you to the past and prevent you from being present and/or plan for the future. It is a balancing act for sure.
I wrote "#MergingIntoMyself" in 2015. Although I have come a long way, there is still a lot to do. *This was posted it on this very same blog.
I long to be Free.
Free from my fears.
Free from the imaginary boundaries I inflicted mySelf.
I long to be mySelf.
The woman I’ve always meant to be.
The one who will own her flaws and recognize them as the most enticing part of who she is.
The one who will appreciate them the way they deserve to be.
I long to be aware.
Aware of Reality
Fully aware of the Love I’ve been the recipient of all along.
That Love that has been kept away from my heart by the fear of being rejected.
Every day, I look at mySelf.
Every day, I’m one step closer.
Every day, I am grateful for the joys and the pains and the hardships I’ve been subjected to.
I’m emerging and
Excerpt from my poetry book On Love and Lust and Everything in Between